Stephen forgives his enemies just before he dies (Acts 7:55-60). His last words may sound familiar, because they echo the words Jesus spoke from the cross when he prayed to God “to forgive” those who crucified him (Luke 23:34).
Forgiveness is a theme that runs at the heart of the New Testament text for this 5th Sunday of Easter, indeed throughout the Gospels. Two-thirds of the teaching of Jesus, in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, is directly or indirectly about this mystery of forgiveness (Rohr, 2022).
These days forgiveness is a bad word, mysterious at best. Are we surprised?
Our world more often operates on principles opposed to forgiveness. Vengeance, revenge, eye-for-an-eye, quid-pro-quo beliefs all fuel the economic and war machines of our culture. Our economy is governed by meritocracy – earning and deserving. Forgiveness rubs up against a culture that demands retribution, fuels competition and comparison and rewards only those who have achieved some measure of success.
Forgiveness just doesn’t fit.
And so, we have developed such a massive resistance to the word forgive that we cannot even use it (James & Friedman, 2009). It is now the prominent ‘F’-word because we no longer associate forgiveness with the qualities of strength, integrity, maturity, faithfulness and health.
If we will dare to go there, however, it is important to clarify what forgiveness is NOT.
First, forgiveness is not forgetting nor condoning actions by others, actions that have hurt people. We cannot forget abusive and offensive behaviour from anyone. When we forgive, we are not pretending that the bad behaviour never happened. We are not being silent in the face of injustice. We are not saying it’s ok that someone’s actions hurt others. Forgiveness is not forgetting nor condoning.
Second, forgiveness is not a one-time thing you do. Like setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with people, you cannot just say or do it once and expect things to change immediately. It’s not a one-off-and-done. I’ll say more about this later.
Finally – and this is the toughest one for those of you like me who are prone to manage and control – forgiving someone else has nothing to do with changing the offending person. Some psychologists who promote the act of forgiveness nevertheless argue that you should never say, “I forgive you for …” directly to or in the presence of the offending person. Because doing so is almost always perceived as an attack (James & Friedman, 2009, p. 140). It’s not helpful. And it’s not about them, anyway.
The act of forgiveness has everything to do with changing yourself. We do it to help ourselves.
You notice, Stephen in his final moments does not speak to his persecutors. He is praying to God. And even Saul – later, Saint Paul – who witnesses the stoning of Stephen and presumably hears Stephen’s prayer about forgiveness, is not converted at that moment by Stephen’s forgiving act. In fact, he approves of Stephen’s murder right after it happened (Acts 8:1). Saul’s conversion happens later, on the road to Damascus (Acts 9).
Again, Stephen’s word of forgiveness has nothing to do with changing Saul, and everything to do with Stephen’s soul, finding his own inner peace, before he dies. He wasn’t doing his persecutors a favour by forgiving them. He was freeing himself.
Forgiveness is letting go of resentment. It is a choice to free oneself from resentment over what could have, should have, been. Forgiveness is to let go of our hope that things could have been different. When we forgive, we hand it over to history (Rohr, 2022). We see the hurt and the woundedness in us, and we hand it over – we let it go – to God. We are freed.
There is one exception – a biblical one – to saying the words “I forgive you” directly to the other person. Because forgiveness is still a decision to do something concrete. For Stephen and Jesus, it was a voiced prayer to God. But the two-thirds of Jesus’ teaching about forgiveness is mostly about economics, about the nature of monetary transactions between people.
Originally, the word for ‘sins’ in the Lord’s Prayer was ‘debts’: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive those indebted to us.” The word ‘debts’ is closer to the original Semitic language meaning (Woodley, 2026). The word in the original text is clearly an economic word.
The Sabbath day, the day of rest, as well as the biblical concept of Jubilee was the awaited day of the week or every seventh year, for marginalized and disadvantaged people to be offered a new beginning. It was the time of forgiveness of debt so that disadvantaged people had an opportunity to reset and start over.
Forgiveness is thus a concrete gift of grace.
That is why forgiveness is not about a singular, one-time event to make everything right. It takes time and practice. It’s a lifestyle, an attitude by which to live. It is an attitude reinforced by ongoing work, because it is not easy. We often don’t get it right.
When Jesus says, as he does in our Gospel reading today, that he “is the way, truth and the life” (John 14:6) the gist of it is not some program of exclusion that we normally interpret from it – them and us. It is rather an affirmation of the way of Jesus, a way characterized by inclusion, grace, by empathy, by forgiveness and compassion for all people. We affirm in this passage a way of forgiveness, where folks are regularly granted second chances and new beginnings.
No wonder these texts are chosen for the season of Easter. Because Easter is about rising again, being given a second chance, a new beginning, time and time again. Because life in Christ is renewed, life is given, to those who practice repeatedly in the way of Christ, the way of forgiveness.
Infant baptism is the liturgical expression of this way of grace. An infant cannot prove that they are worthy. They cannot merit their way to deserving God’s grace. Infants cannot provide a resumé of good deeds to justify their righteousness before the Lord.
They are helpless, totally dependent, completely vulnerable. They are in dire need for constant protection and care. And that vulnerability is the place and inner state for receiving God’s love and forgiveness. Today, little [….] receives the fullness of a lifelong grace in the way of forgiveness.
Today she is marked with the cross of Christ which in God’s own suffering and human weakness validates her own being human in all its fullness and folly. God doesn’t demand perfection from us. God doesn’t expect us to make everything right by our own power and on our own strength. But rather by trusting in and practising God’s forgiveness, grace and mercy within us and with others.
Forgiveness is not the ‘F’-word. It is THE Word.

References
James, J. W., & Friedman, R. (2009). The grief recovery handbook: The action program for moving beyond death, divorce, and other losses, including health, career, and faith. HarperCollins.
Rohr, R. (2022, August 5). Letting go of our innocence. Daily Meditations. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/letting-go-of-our-innocence-2022-08-05/
Rohr, R. (2022, September 16). The power of forgiveness. Daily Meditations. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-power-of-forgiveness-2022-09-16/
Rohr, R. (2023, August 22). Truth and reconciliation: God’s restoring justice. Daily Meditations. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/truth-and-reconciliation-2023-08-22/
Woodley, R. (2026, February 3). Communal shalom: Sabbath and jubilee economics. Daily Meditations. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/communal-shalom/








